I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
