it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
