I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
