Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize