sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
