i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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