First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
