I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
