in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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