1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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