My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
