I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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