the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
