pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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