So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
