I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
