I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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