i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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