I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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