I think I am morally bankrupt
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Randomize
