why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
