Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
