I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
