Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
