I must be too annoying 4 u.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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