well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i want to fuck
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it's pretty self explanatory
what day is it and did you see me today?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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