and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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