he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
