The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
