ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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