guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
