Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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