Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
