So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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