lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
