I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
