I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
