I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
