he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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