i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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