I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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