atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
