You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
