hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
