whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
