yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
