I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
