Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
