I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have post one night stand depression
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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