At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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