Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
