They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
