this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
