how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
