he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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