Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize