I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize