So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
