first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
