pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize