When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
