STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
