Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
