You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
