Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
