so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
