Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
