I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
