Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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