My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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