I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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