i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize