I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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