are you still at the devil's house?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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