tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
