chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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