She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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