Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
