i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
