After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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