Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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