Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
