I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently you make a good broom.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
