i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
