My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
