I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize