I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
40s are totally the cure
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
