It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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