apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
