This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize