all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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