Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
