Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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